Uncertainty

I hate change. I understand it's a fact of life, but it still knocks the wind out of me whenever there is an unexpected turn of events.

Everyone has been talking about job cuts. For the last few months, I have felt like I have been staring out a glass window at the horrible economy, so I could see and hear about the effects, but not really feel them.

Today, that window was shattered.

At a meeting today, my ignorance about the situation of the district was purged. Though it is anticipated that I will still have a job for the 2009-2010 school year, there is, from my understanding, a 95% chance I will be working at another school.

I am devastated by that news. I work with the most amazing people. No matter what my mood, one of my co workers is always there to make me smile. We work together, we support each other, and at the end of the day, we can shrug off our woes and share a laugh. Work is often bearable because of the wonderful, caring people that I see Monday through Friday and have built relationships and friendships with. I consider myself the most fortunate probationary teacher in the district because of the people I work with, and the support I have always received at Lake. I love my job; it is perfect just as it is, and I just wish I didn't have to leave.

When I talked to my boss about it, I laughed it off. Really, it is laughable. How dare I be unsettled about moving locations when there are people out there who don't even have a job and have families and children to provide for? Also, no one anywhere really knows what's going to happen -- who is actually going to be moved, and where, or when.

Then, when I got home, I cried a little bit at the thought of leaving what is like a second home to me -- I spend sooo much time and energy at work, it's almost retarded. I know there is no sense in worrying about things that are beyond my control, and really, I'm not worried. Life always works itself out in the end. And as I said, nothing is definite.

I am just so thankful that I am still collecting a paycheck, and that for at least a few months next year, I will still be collecting a paycheck. I am so glad to have worked at Lake, and I hope and pray that I'll get to keep working there next year, even though the chances are slim to virtually nonexistent that that will be the case. Who knows, maybe I'll like my new school even more -- I know that I'll certainly grow and learn a lot more, as a professional. I'll try to keep thinking positively -- I learned, one Monday morning when I was in a particularly bad mood, that if you just try to fake being ecstatic, a little bit of it rubs off, and you feel better anyway.

Something so small as moving to another location is making me value my job so much more. I will continue to count my blessings, for I know there are so many in my life, many more than I could count and list here. I'll cherish most (if not all (grading essays)) of my time at work, and try not to be so sad or worrisome, and to enjoy whatever time I have left. And I'll keep smiling at work, because eventually, I will feel better about this.